Tract Dissections by Boolean Union Studios

...with special Guest Commentator: Senator Jason of "Crimes Against Divinity"


Today's Candidate:


Fatal Decision
© 2008 Jack Chick

Uploaded Month XXth, 2014


John was dying. His doctor offered him a serum that would save his life, but John didn't trust him, and turned it down. We do the same to Jesus.

Page Index

Introduction
Cover | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21
Conclusion



"Fatal Decision" tells the story of John who is bitten by some unnamed animal while travelling through some unnamed jungle. Through this bite he is infected with a deadly disease and comes under the care of a one Dr. Bowers back in America. After promising John's mother that he would do all that he can to save John, Dr. Bowers travels to Switzerland and purchases a treatment at his own expense in order to save John's life. After spending hundreds of thousands of dollar on this treatment and losing his own son to a car accident while delivering it to his patient, John, who is experiencing "euphoria" believes himself to be cured and destroys the treatment. A few days later, in what is no doubt one of the most memorable panels to be found in a Chick tract, all of his skin melts off and he dies. Ultimately, this tract served as a heavy handed parable of the sacrifice of Jesus Christ.


Introduction
Jessica:

It seems to be an unavoidable compulsion for evangelicals to try to take the story of salvation through Jesus and shoehorn it into ridiculous metaphorical stories, I suppose in an effort to get the "common man" to understand them (see Ron Wheeler.) Chick is also a particularly egregious offender. I think it shows exactly how little credit these people actually give their audiences.

 

   
   
   

Cover Jason:

Given a cover like this and Jack's ham-fisted writing style, I can rest assured that our protagonist is going to end up in Hell. If you're a Christian and have the good fortune to look like the Brawny Paper Towel Guy, then you're pretty much assured a seat right next to the Almighty. The bald, bucktoothed, and dark skinned on the other hand, well … they have very little chance for salvation in Chick's Universe ... much in the same way people in Harry Potter end up living up to their given names:

Remus Lupin? Fenrir Greyback? Werewolves.
Severus Snape? Total hardass.
Voldemort? Evil. Dead at least once. No nose.
Dolores Umbridge? Miserable and evil (and possibly the alter ego of my old 6th grade school teacher).

I swear to God if I ever found myself in the JK Rowling wizarding world the first thing I would do is run to the courthouse and change my name to something like Girth Trustfund. That way, even if I happen to find myself on the business end of an Avada Kedavra spell, there's a good chance I'd have had some fun beforehand.

Alright, now I'm just putting things off ...

 

Sean:

 

 

Jessica:

Why do I envision this particular illustration being co-opted by that ridiculous anti-vax movement?

 

   

Page 1 Jason:

This is what we call "cause and effect". You're neck deep in the Amazon, wearing what looks like a pair of Old Navy capri pants, and you're acting surprised that something bit you. Of course, I would be worried too. Not too many bug bites generate enough voltage to begin arcing out of the wound.

 

Jessica:

Who exclaims "Something's biting me!" while getting bitten? Seems to be an unnessecary bit of narration to me.

 

Sean:

 

 

   
   

Page 2
Jason:

"Only a miracle can save us now!" **cue horse whinnying**

Sorry.

 

Sean:

 

 

Jason:

Hey, how about instead of looking at the leg, you look where you're going? I hope those are clouds, because otherwise, you're about 500 feet from what the NTSB calls a "controlled flight into terrain". Oh, by the way, I hope you have insurance ... because otherwise all this talk of "never seen this before" and "nothing to fight this with" gets translated into American English as, "pre-existing condition", and "this is gonna cost you".

"Hey! Is this dissection about health care or religion??"

Right ... sorry.

 

   
   

Page 3 Jason:

“This can't be!”

"I'm afraid it is. It's the last symbol we need to activate the stargate and go home!!"

 

Sean:

 

 

Jessica:

 

 

   
   

Page 4 Jason:

"Dr. Bowers?"

"Yes?"

"You look like a total dork."

"Thank you, Nurse. Here, hold this open vial for me and breathe deeply."

 

Sean:

 

 

   
   

Page 5 Sean:

“Are you interested, Dr. Bowers?”

"Naah, forget it. I've got a date with my receptionist tonight. It's time for our weekly physicals."

 

Sean:

 

 

Jason:

It's interesting that a guy like Chick would reference things like different strains of a virus, the CDC, vaccines, and so forth ... almost as if he were admitting that this bullshit "theory" of evolution actually has merit. It would also appear that Dr. Bowers is evolving into William H. Macy.

 

   
   

Page 6 Jason:

Okay, how about this, lady. Take the $3,000, head straight to a plastic surgeon, and tell them to take off about seven inches off of your nose. While you're there, ask if they can get you up to date on all of your immunizations seeing how you apparently have a case of the mumps. Jesus, you'd think with the decades of doing the same thing, Chick would not only be better at drawing proportional human faces, but at doing it a little more consistently too.

"Dr. Bowers, you have no idea what you've gotten yourself into. From this point on, every feature of your face will migrate towards your nose until you start to resemble Woll Smoth.There is no cure."

 

Sean:

 

 

Jessica:

 

 

   

Page 7 Jason:

Meanwhile, in Switzerland ...

Wait, why are you using your own money? Use the hospital's until you bill John and his mother. That's the American Way!! What are you, some sort of Communist? Actually, a communist wouldn't spend his own money either. OK, you're just an idiot ... for that, and for buying a vial of anything from a homeless Marty Feldman with no eye pigment.

 

Sean:

 

 

Jessica:

 

 

   

Page 8 Jason

"The last time he and I went out drinking, I woke up the next morning with this pierced ear and a 'Rick Astley Fangirl' tramp stamp. He just snickers when I ask him why I was surrounded by flamingos, and to this day my pants are still missing. I will never forgive him."

 

Sean:

 

 

Jessica:

 

 

   

Page 9 Jason:

"Before giving him the vaccine, you must say these three words exactly ... 'Klaatu, barada, nikto' ... say them with me ..."

Wait, didn't you say that this guy only had a week? What the hell are you still doing Switzerland? Get your ass back home!

 

Sean:

 

 

   
   
   

Page 10 Jason:

There's nothing wrong with the doctor, John. Brutus just crapped his pants, that's all. He must have cleaned your room wearing gloves made from the same rubber they use to make LOW GRADE CONDOMS and contracted your ulcerative stargate-glyphitis.

Glyphillis?

I also want to pause to comment on the "secondary plot" concept that Chick's introduced. Not only does this act as a filler to give these soul-winning missives some substance and sense of literary appeal, but they also force me to think about how to make fun of seemingly innocuous random conversations to keep the readers' interest until the punchline.

 

Sean:

 

 

Jessica:

 

 

   
   

Page 11 Jason:

Wait, that's all it took to sow the seeds of doubt here? The word of a scummy looking janitor? Oh, I get it. He's supposed to be the “skeptic”. Stay classy, Jack. I've got an idea, John: why don't you ask some of the nurses - or the other doctors - about Dr. Bowers instead of simply settling for the role of "I'm ugly and stupid so I'm going to Hell because Chick doesn't like me." Jeez, stand up for yourself. Though, in fairness, if it's anything like your standard American hospital, the janitor's probably the only person this guy's been seeing for the last few days.

I also think Brutus is bitter that laser tattoo removal is so expensive on a janitor's wage.

 

Jessica:

Ugly is an understatement. He kind of looks like Mickey Rooney in "Breakfast at Tiffany's."

 

Sean:

 

 

   
   

Page 12 Jason:

You know, I'd ask how two cars could collide in mid-air like that, especially over a divider, but the years I've been behind the wheel have pretty much opened my mind up to any possibility by this point. I've seen overturned cars positioned such that I think they had been airlifted to that spot and left there just to mess with our heads. I've also seen several car fires, a black bear trying to cross the interstate, and the occasional moose, so this just might be the most plausible panel Chick has written to date.

 

Jessica:

Jeez... you live in Canada or something?

 

   
   

Page 13 Jason:

Hey, it's Dr. Ehrlich from St. Elsewhere! Why is your head all slanted back and pointy at the top? Is this what happens when you're "born again"?? HAW HAW.

Plus, if it weren't for the fact that John's mother said she had no other family, I'd have thought we found his sister. They have to have Manga in their family tree somewhere.

 

Sean:

 

 

   
   
   

Page 14 Jason:

Wow, Doc, you're looking pretty upbeat in light of your son's recent death. In fact, everyone's downright chipper. Your son must have been a real asshole to get this kind of dismissal. At least your face is back to normal. Maybe the airbag pushed it back into place.

 

Sean:

 

 

Jessica:

 

 

   

Page 15 Jason:

I dunno, I'd be a little suspicious of anything that glows like that, especially since Igor didn't really give specific handling instructions.

 

Sean:

 

 

Jason:

“This, will save your life.”

This, is an inappropriate use of a comma.

 

Jessica:

 

 

Jason:

At this point we should all clearly see Chick's angle here ... "you're sick but you don't know it", "I sacrificed my son" ... let's see how it plays out.

 

   
   

Page 16 Jason:

The promise you made to his mother? How about the Hippocratic Oath?

Closer ... closer ... now kiss me, you fool!

 

Sean:

 

 

Jason:

Seriously, you might have wanted to take the price tag off of that little vial before showing it to him. I think in the time it took for you to ask him what was wrong, he made the decision to take his chances with the disease instead of spending the rest of his life paying for a treatment he'll never afford.

 

   
   

Page 17 Jason:

"Ha! I've outwitted you! Now I don't have to pay for treatment since it was destroyed before you could inject me!"

Little does John know that Dr. Bowers is going to sneak into his room in the middle of the night and hook up an air compressor to his IV. That "one week" prognosis was a generous estimate.

 

 

Sean:

 

 

Jason:

I would actually pay money to have Chick take classes in drawing manga. Seriously. His characters would still be oddly proportioned, but there'd be a little consistency in it. Maybe he could ghost write the Truth for Youth web site every so often. I don't recall that site updating in a long time.

 

   
   

Page 18 Jason: Anyone else reminded of this?

Yeah, that's what I'm talking about.

 

Sean:

 

 

Jason:

So finally, the message of the story is revealed, huh? I didn't realize that sin was something totally outside God's control ... or that forgiveness was so rare and conditional ... or that Jesus was God's road buddy who had about as much to do with the story as a Star Trek Redshirt ... or - most importantly - that it was so objectively clear that we're all destined to Hell to start with.

Really, the only way for it to work is if it was Dr. Bowers who bit John's leg in the jungle in the first panel. That would explain a great deal … and besides, if we're really going to make a parallel here, who else would be responsible for John's condition but the one who has the "cure"?

 

Jessica:

 

 

   

Page 19 Jason:

Heh heh ... Sandra Oh and Mr. Spock are going to Hell. Well, at least they're not alone.

If you're really going to make this about Christianity and sin and all that, let's restart the tract with John walking down the street, perfectly healthy, and Dr. Bowers, already wheelchair-bound, sidling up to him unnoticed:

Dr. B: "I'm so glad I found you, my friend ..."

John: "... uhh ... are you talking to me?"

Dr. B: "Yes! Yes, of course. I've been looking for you. You're very sick, you know."

John: "... what are you talking about? I just had a physical, and got a clean bill of health."

Dr. B: "But they don't know what I know! I know of a disease that lays dormant and invisible, until one day, it STRIKES!!"

John: (steps back) "... right ... what are the symptoms?"

Dr. B: "Well ... there's no way to actually detect the disease ... but I know you have it ... you have to trust me!"

John: "... right ..."

Dr. B: "... and when it strikes, it can take on any form! A stroke, a heart attack, diabetes ..."

John: "That's convenient ..."

Dr. B: "... an errant bus ..."

John: "I'm leaving."

Dr. B: "But if you drink the contents of this bottle, you will be healed!"

John: "Is that a bottle of Maker's Mark with the label scratched off?"

Dr. B: "You are going to die!"

John: (walks away)

Dr. B: "You're also on fire!! I have something for that too!"

 

Sean:

 

 

Jessica:

 

 

   

Page 20 Jason:

Now comes the big question: When Jesus died for your sins, did he have to cross the International Date Line for there to be three days between Friday and Sunday?

 

Sean:

 

 

   
   
   

Page 21 Jason:

Thomas was given the courtesy of meeting Jesus and touching his wounds before believing what had happened. Give me the same firsthand opportunity, and I'll convert.

 

Jessica:

 

 

   
   

Conclusion
Jason:

So there you have the "parable" of the sick man having doubt placed in his heart by the janitor refusing the gift of life from the doctor who lost his only son in the process. Calling him an ungrateful wretch in this particular context might be understandable. Calling non-Christians ungrateful for not believing your steaming pile of Truth without any supporting evidence is another ... but at least he provides us with entertainment on a bimonthly basis.

Anyway, swing and a miss, Jack. Feeble, yet still dissection worthy.

So there's that.

 

Sean:

 

 

   
   

 
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Last Modified: February 14, 2023