Tract Dissections

 

...with special Guest Commentator: John Faber


Today's Candidate:


Homosexuality: Legitimate, Alternate Deathstyle

Part III

Homosexuality: Legitimate, Alernate Deathstyle

© 1986 Dick Hafer

Uploaded December 1st, 2017



"Homosexuality: Legitimate, Alternate Deathstyle" is actually a book written by Dick Hafer waaaayyyy back in the halcyon days of 1986 when Reagan ran the country and everyone was afraid of the Bomb. AIDS had just begun coming into the public consciousness and most people (who were only just starting to call it something other than "Gay Cancer") knew almost nothing about it. This left the door wide open for unchecked fear and hate against the group seen as the primary carriers of this disease... homosexuals. Dick Hafer manages to distill and ferment this hate and fear into an almost 100 proof heady brew and then gives it to you good through a series of cartoons that can almost be referred to as "chibified." Make no mistake though, this is pure, uncut bigotry mainlined straight into your neocortex. Brace yourselves.

Special thanks to "Comics with Problems" for the scans!



Panel Index
1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20
21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 | 29 | 30 | 31 | 32 | 33 | 34 | Conclusion


Panel 1
John:

If you look closely, you can see the hate oozing through the page.

 

Jessica:

I've noticed that in previous installments of this travesty as well. He went extraordinarily cheap on the paper stock used for printing which has contributed to a great deal of bleed through.

As if this thing wasn't already indistinguishable from toilet paper...

 

   
   

Panel 2 John:

And how are the Illuminati behind all this? Or are the gays.... BEHIND THE ILLUMINATI?

 

Jessica:

There is a great deal of difference between "acceptance" and "tolerance." Most gay people just want to be left alone. It's you morons who are making everything so personal.

 

   
   

Panel 3 John:

No REAL democrat would ever put gays in his porridge! Wait...

 

Jessica:

I don't know about the 80's but the modern platforms of the democratic party seem to be pretty LGBT friendly. What would "REAL" democrats have their stomaches turn when it comes to gay rights?

Also, what the hell is up with that donkey? Is that how we're stereotyping gays? Lipstick and earrings?

 

John:

You just know he likes taking it in the ass.

 

   
   

Panel 4 John:

We should have the RIGHT! To deny dem homos the right to buy whatever house they want!


Also, to teach, for some reason!

I've always thought you're less likely to be hateful towards a group if you grew up with members of that group. Allowing them to teach would be a great start.

 

Jessica:

Would you look at that? It's almost like homosexuals want the same rights as everyone else!!!

 

   
   

Panel 5

John:

All that bill did was prohibit employment discrimination against homosexuals.

 

Jessica:

Yep. We stopped those homos and their lie-beral pals but good!

It's a shame Dick Hafer isn't alive to see the current political climate when it comes to gays and lesbians. Though given he wrote a 200 page book of hate against them I highly doubt it would sway his opinions all that much.

 

   

Panel 6 Jessica:

We all know how American conservatives like to depict Europe as this barren, socialist hellscape but most of it is light years ahead of us when it comes to social progress like gay rights and same-sex marriage.

 

 

 

   
   

Panel 7 Jessica:

And the sad part is that even today unless you pay sufficient lip service to God and so-called "Christian values" you still won't get elected. Hell, Obama was pretty straight forward with his religious beliefs and people still exhausted themselves trying to prove he was a closet Muslim.

 

   
   
   
   

Panel 8 John:

I once saw a video on YouTube (and that must mean it's true) that said the Bible was only against homosexuality because the surrounding tribes engaged in ritual sex acts for their deities, and everything that's done for a false god is EEEEEVIL! (that's also the reason for the law against clipping your sideburns.)

 

Jessica:

Despite what Hafer would have you believe from earlier in his book, sharing plates and silverware with someone who is gay or lesbian is no dirtier than sharing them with anyone else.

 

   
   
   

Panel 9 John:

If they don't have bread, let them eat gay!


Ich bin ein Homosexueller!


Veni, vidi, pedicari!

 

Jessica:

"Freely" used the word gay? Is there some reason he shouldn't have been allowed to say the word gay? Is it going to bring down the Knights of Standards and Practices?

 

John:

Apparently, the only modes of locomotion for gays are prancing, skipping and fart-o-the-rainbow.

 

   
   

Panel 10 Jessica:

Calling them "sodomites" over and over again is nothing but an ad hominem argument and shows just how weak your position really is.

 

   
   
   
   
   
   

Panel 11 Jessica:

Outright lie. Studds did indeed express remorse over his relationship with a seventeen year old congressional page. The page was also just one year off from the age of consent and stated himself that the relationship was consensual and non-intimidating.

 

   
   
   

Panel 12 John:

What do you expect? They have a giant stone penis in the middle of the city!

 

Jessica:

You do have a point. A great big stone dick is likely to attract gays like moths to a flame.

 

   
   
   
   
   

Panel 13 John:

LAAAAAAAW!

 

Jessica:

As in "Aside from anti-discrimination legislation the law should have nothing at all to say about homosexuals," right?

That is what you're about to say, right?!?

 

   
   
   

Panel 14 Jessica:

At least he's nice enough to buy ice cream for the gay guy as well. Surprising how dirty he thinks him to be.

 

John:

His freely-rotating neck gives away his owl ancestry.

 

   
   

Panel 15 Jessica:

Since there are fewer gay people than there are straight people that makes them a LEGITIMATE minority too, you know.

 

John:

I just know you used that spoon to eat da poo-poo!

 

Jessica:

Oh, never mind. He wants to get his own spoon. <sigh>

 

   

Panel 16 John:

Roll credits!

WHY oh WHY should I ever want to live in a pluralist society? After all, if I were in an ISIS-controlled area, it would be perfectly moral and right for them to behead me for not following their god, so why should DEM HOMOS be any different?

 

Jessica:

You should be "forced to say it's o.k." because what someone else does in the privacy of their bedroom is none of your goddamn business. That's why.

 

   
   

Panel 17
John:

And you didn't take the hint that maybe you're on the wrong side of history? No?

Okay, just checking.

 

Jessica:

It isn't all that surprising that pro-gay legislation got shot down in Texas. What's that they say about steers and queers?

 

   
   

Panel 18 Jessica:

This is similar to when he gushed over veterans roughing up gays outside the Iwojima memorial. Gays getting the shit kicked out of them seems to give Hafer a serious hard-on. And what do you call someone who enjoys seeing others in pain?

 

John:

Reminds me of that scene from Kirk Cameron's Saving Christmas: There once was a guy who disagreed on something about the trinity. So Saint Nick BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF HIM!

 

   
   
   

Panel 19 John:

Even assuming that he was lying, what's the harm in passing a law that prevents something that isn't happening?

 

Jessica:

Here's a study showing workplace discrimination of gays, lesbians and transgender individuals.

Here's one about housing discrimination.

 

   
   
   

Panel 20 John:

Warning: Any orifices left unprotected may be subject to a surprisingly pleasant time. Please keep the following items on your person at all times: bible (KJV), rosary (do NOT stop turning), K-Y jelly, protective butt-plug.

 

Jessica:

Once again, there's nothing gays do to restaurants, hotel beds or public restrooms that any other person wouldn't do.

 

   
   
   

Panel 21 John:

Yes, we will hire even YOU, homosexual degenerate! No longer will you have to hide your disgusting true self, just to be a productive member of society! Who knows, maybe one day people will treat you as if you're human.

 

Jessica:

Fair?!? After everything you've said in the book so far you have the brass-iron BALLS to talk about fair?!?!?

 

   
   
   

Panel 22 John:

Openly gay people can become judges! Dogs and cats living together, MASS HYSTERIA!

 

Jessica: We've had medical and other benefits for same-sex partners both here and abroad for some time now and as you can plainly see the world has not come to an end.
   
   

Panel 23 John:

Wait... he wouldn't.... no nonono he CAN'T GO THERE....

 

Jessica:

Oh yes he can... Frankly I'm surprised it took him this long.

 

   
   

Panel 24 Jessica:

Suffice it to say that child molestation and homosexuality going hand-in-hand has been a scare tactic used for about as long as there have been gay people (i.e. forever). There is no proven correlation.

 

John:

I should've known, this was inevitable. Not only does this make my blood boil on its own, some people even demand the death penalty for homosexuals because they think they're all pedophiles.

 

   
   

Panel 25
John:

NO! NO NO NO NO NO! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!

 

Jessica:

See? NAMBLA even makes the gay guy sick. Probably because he's just like everyone else.

 

   
   

Panel 26 John:

So, the argument here seems to be: Homosexuality is wrong because pedophiles also exist. Gotcha.

 

Jessica:

There's some contention as to whether the Rene' Guyon Society even exists so their supposed motto is really neither here nor there.

 

   
   
   

Panel 27 John:

Actually, that's more like 10% for homosexuals. And if you let people place themselves on a spectrum, things get even more interesting.

 

Jessica:

The number of people who could be classified as "strictly heterosexual" in a Kinsey scale sort of way is a hell of a lot lower than most of these jerk-offs want to give credit.

 

   
   

Panel 28 Jessica:

Children 8 to 12 years old and alienated from their families are particularly vulnerable to lots of different things. It's a pretty good reason not to disown your gay son or daughter, wouldn't you say?

 

 

 

   
   

Panel 29 Jessica:

Ok, now you are just stretching. What comes next? "Homosexuality and Alien Abduction?"

 

   
   
   

Panel 30 John:

It looks like Correlation and Causation have finally found together! If only Source Referencing hadn't been left out.

 

Jessica:

If such a large percentage of gays vs. straight people are admitting to these things, did you ever stop to think that maybe gays are just more honest than straight people?

 

   
   

Panel 31 John:

Oh, there's a reason for the suicide thing. It's little wastes of oxygen like Dick Hafer here who are actively pushing gays and lesbians all over the country into unlivable situations.

 

Jessica:

There's Bluto again, ready to go at it. We've come full circle here.

 

   
   

Panel 32 Jessica:

Straight people engage in S&M just as much, if not more, than gay people.

Also, sadomasochism is all about consent. So the likelihood of it leading to mixing "sex and death" is pretty slim, Dick.

 

   
   
   

Panel 33 John:

All I could find on this was one article on Liberty News Now and a Reddit forum theorizing that serial killers and homosexuals both tend to have abusive childhoods.


Truly arlarming.

 

Jessica:

Global temperatures have started to rise lately as well. Maybe the heat is causing all of those mass and serial murders. Ya think???

 

   
   

Panel 34 John:

So there are the FACTS* of homosexuality.

 


Jessica:

And now our degenerate homosexual fellow starts seeing the error of his ways and wants out.

 

   
  *blatant lies

Conclusion
John:

Of course that's the note we're gonna end on!


Let me guess: The next chapters are gonna talk about the declassification of homosexuality as a mental disease in 1974 (and several times more after that), Pray the Gay Away and electroshock therapy. That's gonna be fun. See ya then!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


 
Last Modified: December 8, 2017
 
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